Monday, July 22, 2002

A Brawl Over the Telly - And Then You're Six Feet Under

A brawl over the telly - and then you're Six Feet Under
Sydney Morning Herald Heckler Article July 22 2002 (only the names have been changed to prevent the embarassed)

How to create domestic chaos: bundle all the shows most watched by Crunchy Peanut-Blogger's flatmates into one inconvenient slot.

I have followed with interest the numerous articles in this and other papers over the last few months regarding the plight of the 20-somethings, the 30-somethings, the generation-Xers and the TV demographic broadly defined as 16- to 39-year-olds. Well, as a single 16- to 39-year-old, living in a house I do not own with two other single 16- to 39-year-olds (a common occurrence in Sydney, according to the articles), I am surprised that not one article has referred to the greatest conundrum facing our generation - what to watch on Monday nights.

In the good old days, Channel 10 catered exclusively to our needs with a non-stop diet of carefully targeted soaps, American comedies, local variety and endless repeats of The Simpsons and Seinfeld.

We used to be able to rely on SBS broadcasting everything in a foreign language except the news and The Movie Show, while Channel 7 catered to our parents with adult infotainment and documentaries. The ABC provided quirky British comedies and anti-establishment subversive political satire. Sport was on Nine.

Of course, that was in the days before reality television invaded the minds of TV executives desperate to turn a cheap buck via a cheap program and to win advertisers who wanted to get hold of some of the baby-boomers' hard-earned cash and retirement savings.

The plethora of gardening, police, DIY, cooking and holiday shows has led to every other program being crammed into the one slot now reserved for 16- to 39-year-olds - Monday night.

In my house we have only one VCR and the arguments, debates, counter-arguments, discussions and dealings take nearly as much time as it does to watch any of these programs. I just pity those unfortunate 16- to 39-year-olds who have spent their high disposable income on a new DVD player and thrown out the old VCR without contemplating the consequences of their actions.

Last Monday, a convoluted and intricately derived consensus was reached. It started easily enough, as at 7.30 it seems all the channels have let Nine have its way with the 16- to 39-year-olds by not competing with Friends, although my flatmates and I haven't watched it since Joey and Chandler were flatmates. At 8.30, Peta and Bronwyn watched The Secret Life of Us (10) in Peta's bedroom while I taped and watched Music Jamboree (SBS) followed by Life Support (SBS).

After Life Support I quickly changed tapes (three hours was never going to be enough) then caught the last 10 minutes of Media Watch (ABC). At 9.30 I taped The Osbournes (10) and The Simpsons (10) and watched The Fat (ABC) while the girls watched Sex in the City (9). At 10.30 Peta went to bed, Bronwyn watched Buffy (7) and I taped Six Feet Under (9).

As you can imagine, the TV program resembled a cross between a detailed invasion plan of Iraq and noughts and crosses played by two schizophrenics.

At least we know how to program the VCR - is this why we are treated so poorly? Is this why my parents have cable television? Or do the networks figure that we are so busy partying, taking drugs and sleeping around on the weekend that we are too exhausted to go out on Monday night? By Tuesday we are obviously ready to do it again as there is nothing at all worth watching (except West Wing, which should be on the ABC except that they'd probably program it for Monday night).

It wasn't so bad when the soccer World Cup and Big Brother were on. At least then we could flick between the two knowing that nothing had changed and nothing interesting had happened.

Now there's the problem of finding time to watch all these videoed programs. When we're not partying, taking drugs and sleeping around we are probably going to the pub (trivia on Thursday), going to the movies (cheaper on Tuesdays), surfing the Net (probably a chat line), playing computer games on our dedicated games machine (there's one TV we can't use) or looking for another job. At least, that's what all the articles and marketing studies say we're doing and evidently the TV executives believe them.

I do all these things, not because I am a voracious party animal but because there's nothing to watch on TV. My library of unwatched videos extends back to the non-ratings period of summer 1999.

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