Sunday, July 01, 2007

Gushing about the i-Wank

It was with great excitement that I learnt about Apple's new i-Wank. As soon as I did I knew that I wanted one and was prepared to go to any length to get it.

The i-Wank comes with an assortment of features that 'traditional' wanks are incapable of. For one thing it has an extended battery life which means you can use your i-Wank more often and for longer periods without having to wait and recharge.

I'm a big fan of wanks as you have probably guessed, so much so that my old wank rarely left my hand. Now with all the new features I almost never want to put my i-Wank down. My wife doesn't like it but she understands that I'm addicted to wanks and when a new wank comes onto the market I'm bound to want to spend a lot of time playing with it.

I particularly like the fact that the new i-Wank is so interactive. It has been designed with the user in mind so has a lot of hands-on features like a real-feel touch pad and an intuitive interface. The touch pad means that with one finger you have access to a whole new world of i-Wank functionality, and even with two fingers you can do things that make the old palm pilots looks like museum pieces. This is important because older wanks often gave you a sore thumb in particular after too much use.

The i-Wank also looks great. It's sleek and black and has none of the cumbersome knobs and fiddly bits of older wanks. I reckon women in particular will love it because in my experience women are much more dexterous with their fingers when it comes to wanks, so this is right up their alley.

I'm particularly impressed that even with all the new features the i-Wank is only slightly larger than the older wanks and still fits comfortably into your hand or pocket.

So of course when the i-Wank went on sale I made sure that I was one of the first in line to get it. You might think it's crazy but it wasn't just about the i-Wank, it was about sharing a wank experience with other wank addicts. Using and having a wank is something that by definition you can only do by yourself even if you are thinking about someone else at the time. So when an opportunity does present itself to get together, as odd as it seems at first, you leap at the chance. Not all Wanks are the same and you'd be amazed at the different things that people do with them and that even I hadn't imagined.

But the i-Wank takes it to a whole new level. Since getting my new i-Wank I've barely left the house. I don't need to. I've got all the pleasure and entertainment I need in the palm of my hand.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I give the i-wank two hands up. I have already ordered the update version called i-wank King V1.1 .
It has gripped my life in so many ways, I will never go back to just the wank, my assistant still loves the old wanking style... but thats for tossers?

Any idea how it works, Crunch?

Anonymous said...

Is that an i-Wank in your pocket...

Anonymous said...

http://15secondfilmfestival.com/
The i-Wank

Apple launches it's newest / hottest handheld devices yet, specially designed for viewing porn... NOT.

P.B. Smooth said...

P.B. smooth enjoys the Crunchy Peanut Blog!

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